Dirty Details of Cancer

Miss you dear friend

Today is your birthday. You would have been 53 today.

Being without your presence has broken my heart more than I can ever explain. You were diagnosed before me and you showed me how to roll with it. Your grace and strength is palpable and I hold onto that each day.

Latina has been in my life since I was 15 years old. We worked at Dillard’s as promotional artists for many different companies, so we saw each other on a regular basis. We started going on breaks together, shopping together, helping each other sell our brands, and always had fun at work. Even the store manager would remark of how much fun we had together.

When I was diagnosed, it was very difficult for Latina to accept. I reached out to her the day I found out, but it was too difficult for her to talk to me about it. She was angry at cancer, and felt that she couldn’t help me. I didn’t know she felt that way, and I was hurt that we didn’t speak for almost 3 months. I needed her friendship, it’s a lonely feeling. But I understand now that it was just too difficult because I am a positive person, and she didn’t want to bring any negative thoughts into my head. But eventually we started talking again, and she explained those feelings. I understood completely. She was still coming to terms with her own cancer, and had too much to deal with.

I feel so guilty that I am still here, shaking as I type that sentence because I know you would be so upset at me for feeling that way. But I do just the same. I just miss you. We all do.

It has been a difficult year for me, I have always had Latina to talk to. And since she left us on March 23, 2014, I have had her in my thoughts each day. This last month has been really hard, I’ve been crying so much for her. Reading her poetry and singing songs we sang together is bringing back memories, but I feel it is helping me remember and keep her alive in my mind.

Also, a strange thing happened. My cell phone lost all of my contacts and info, so I had to back up my Verizon cloud. When I did that, all these old text messages popped up from Latina. I have a different phone since our last texts, so it was a huge surprise to get a bunch of pings with her name on the text message. This led me to scroll back to the beginning and read our texts, we were so goofy!

To know her was to love her, she was so much fun. Latina loved to sing, dance, and write poetry. We had big plans to get her second book published and I was going to help promote it with Social Dragonfly. Lots of press, parties, book signings, and really get her heard. I wish I could still get that done for her, but I don’t have access to her new writings.

See Latina’s book of Inspirational Poetry Listen 2 Cancer.

Have No Fear

Here comes cancer invading my space

Now it’s not a good time to take up place

See, I have dreams and things I want to do

Got no time to be feeling you

I found you in my body when I did the check

Hard and round in my breast

No respect, do you have of a person

Just to get inside and claim your purpose

Do you really believe it is as easy as that?

Well God gave me strength to fight a good fight

I heard all about your reputation

How you spread and travel to another location

Breaking hearts, boggling minds

You even think you can stop time

Causing fear and anger in some

Oh… you’ve been listed as the deadly one

Fear, I have not for I will not fail

That will only let you prevail

You’ll get no pity party out of me

Only encouraging words to another sister… she’s free

To accept what is to be

Hair loss, weight gain with chemotherapy

It’s not the end

But the start of a new you

Healed and blessed

For all you’ve been through

Better tomorrow, than today

So let your light shine along the way

Have no fear in whatever you do

And don’t let cancer stop the dreams life has for you

Thank you so much for reading!

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